I’ve had a couple of things making me anxious this month. Not bad things, just pressing things. And now, something’s come up that’s pressing even more on one of those things. To quote Freddie Mercury, “I’m going slightly mad.”
I have a wedding to go to of a childhood friend next week. It has been difficult to fit it into the scheme of things in my life generally, but I was still ready to make two days possible (it’s an Indian wedding, and you may have heard – they are long-drawn, lavish affairs). And now, I have a really important exam, that could well decide my future/career, just after the wedding.
Wedding, exam. Exam, wedding. Do I flip a coin? Do I abandon all and go take that holiday I’ve been fantasizing about? The logical side of my brain tells me to, obviously, focus solely on the exam and leave everything else aside (including writing blogs. For the umpteenth time Amrita, airing your silly problems does not make for good writing!), while the emotional side of my brain tells me that your friend asking you to their wedding is itself an act of love, and you should be there to show support. That’s how human relations work.
It’s all a matter of timing. Weeks, months go by, and nothing happens. Nothing you care about anyway. You reach homeostasis, and it’s all fine. Comfortable. Of course, stasis is different for different people. Those of you with families probably plan all your precious time around them. Me, I’m just happy going out with the people in my life to movies, lunch etc., or listening to an album all by myself.
It’s interesting how you get two different versions of the “good life” in movies. In action films, the good life is just a normal, innocuous, uninteresting one. In comedies or modern dramas, it’s one in which you jump out of a plane or rob one of those money-counting machines (and not actual money) from a bank. The movie they should make is one with Jason Statham opposite the Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
Obviously, I am not jumping out of a plan or robbing banking equipment, but even then, the littlest of things can affect my homeostasis. I am generally quite laid back, have low energy, usually to counter the simmering nervous energy I possess underneath. That means, I need six hours’ notice before I go get a packet of milk. I don’t do spontaneous. I don’t do anything unless I’ve had time to deliberate it.
And I don’t have time to deliberate next week’s proceedings. I am glad it’s not my own wedding, because that would have been nerve-wracking on an intergalactic level. The idea of dressing up like a christmas tree, with people having full licence to look at you all the time and take pictures, and then making something socially legitimate that is principally and wholly an intimate affair…let’s just say the whole idea freaks me out. It’s much better to be an observer, and you often get through that because there is food and, sometimes, decent music involved.
Adding multiple-choice questions to that? How incongruent! Even if those questions might answer the financial security and eventual prosperity of your own life. My head’s going round and round with this, and I feel I might awkwardly quote Shakespeare at the wedding, or write the fish was magnificent in the exam. I need a plan.
I am hoping to be doing both. But, if I have to sacrifice, it will be logic over emotion – exam over wedding. I have actually juggled the two before, at the wedding of a member of my own immediate family. Let me just say, Hegel does not help you decide where the gifts should go, or how you should deal with the florist. Also, it might not be a good idea to turn up in jeans and a top when you are hosting the darn reception, and every guest thinks you are underdressed on principle.
When have you suffered from bad timing?