Posted in Of Writingly

Bridget Jones: Blogging Queen Part 2

Bridget Jones

Saturday 14 May 2016

135 lbs (v.g.), minutes spent trying on new black silk dress from Net-a-Porter 452, Minutes spent on finally putting ‘look’ together with go-to Zara polyester-but-feels-like-silk dress 5, minutes late for Writer’s Guild dinner 175.

11:50 p.m. Just got back from Writer’s Guild dinner at Claridge’s. Unlike other posh parties I’ve been to lately (thanks to screenwriting career and screenwriting agent Brian Katzenberg), they had real food there. Except, it was all cold by the time I arrived. Had a few glasses of champagne and some ultra-posh kebabs. All by myself, as being late ensured having no one interested in being friends with me. Must make writer friends, now that am officially part of guild. At least, Mr. Wallaker was on time to pick me up and take me home. Even if he dressed in his Paul Smith suit just to wait outside.

Sunday 15 May 2016

9 a.m. Busy morning. Mr. Wallaker has decided to take us all on a picnic in the country. Without any planning. He has bought and packed all the food, taken his emergency kit of medicines, Swiss knife etc. Billy and Mabel, my children and Michael and James, his teenage boys, and me are all packed into the car, tired and half-asleep. Mr. Wallaker could, single-handedly, take us all on a trip to the Moon, and we wouldn’t need for anything.

3 p.m. Lying in the shade with Billy and Mabel sleeping on either side. The boys are playing cricket. Bliss.

8 p.m. Home. Perfect Day. Perfect Man. Perfect Family.

8:10 p.m. Checked twitter. Got unfollowed by all ‘friends’ from Writer’s Guild. I was only late for a sodding (but delicious) dinner. It’s not like I offended the pope or something with my new novel.

9 p.m. Mr. Wallaker said at dinner to focus on writing script instead. “I don’t understand why you need to be friends with these people. It’s not like they’re going to help your writing in anyway. Being late to dinner does seem rude, but de, un, whatever, following is just childish.”

Sensible not-husband (still a sore subject) does not understand how important social media etiquette is to writing career. But, he is right, in sense that to be friends with writers, must have done writing myself. Even if have written the first draft of unreleased film that should release ‘straight-to-DVD’ any day (or year) now…

Monday 16 May 2016

11 a.m. Mr. Wallaker has taken everyone to school, including himself, where he is due to start piano lessons for the senior forms today. Have been sitting at desk for past hour, going through notes on Austen’s Persuasion, before I begin Pierce My Soul. Can’t choose between Ciaran Hinds (1995) and Rupert Penry-Jones (2007) for Wentworth picture on mood board (Mr. Wallaker’s idea to have visual board to inspire writing.)

12: 30 p.m. Received email from Agent Katzenberg.

Sender: Brian Katzenberg
Subject: My Neighbour’s Yacht

Have received email from Greenlight Productions re: My Neighbour’s Yacht a.k.a. The Leaves in His Hair. Delighted to inform you that film is finally released on Hulu in Japan. Depending on response there, may or may not be released in other territories.

WHAT?! Leaves is finally released, but in Japan? What is Hulu? Is it like the Odeon? Why in Japan? Wait, there’s more in email…

Also, Greenlight has promised compensation for you, but since post-production team was not informed of your involvement, your name will not appear in credits of film.

WHAT?!?! My first screenwriting job, and I don’t even get a credit? However am I going to tell future writer friends about my first writing job? And compensation? We never NEGOTIATED compensation. This is just, this is just…

2: 30 p.m. Had hour-long chat with Talitha while she was at the manicurist. She said to “sue his ass right off.” She will help me find lawyer and draw up case. And ask for millions. It might take a while though to get said millions. But, she says we will have it.

7 p.m. Billy came home with a bleeding forehead after shattering glass window with it in school corridor. Mr. Wallaker says it was Billy’s fault, for picking fight with older boy in school. He cancelled his piano class to take Billy to the NHS to get stitches. Day keeps getting worse and worse…

8:20 p.m. Family delighted to hear about film at supper. Mabel said, “Can we go to Japan to watch mummy’s film, Daddy?” Mabel calls Mr. Wallaker Daddy, but Billy doesn’t. Mr. Wallaker, though happy about film, dismissively said, “No.”

11:45 p.m. In bed. Explained everything about Leaves script to Mr. Wallaker. He was tired and upset about his day, but eager to listen. He said not to get hopes up about millions in lawsuit. Focus on Pierce My Soul instead. Right. Focus, focus, focus.

Tuesday 17 May 2016

12:30 a.m. I wonder if Shazza, long-time bestie who is a writer, working in California, can take trip to Japan to watch My Neighbour’s Yacht. Will offer to buy her tickets. To Hulu, of course. Not Japan.

2 a.m. Just got off phone with Shazza, who was having brunch, by herself, in L.A. She agrees on lawsuit saying, “Everybody must sue somebody in their writing career. We all get f*cked up in this business.” However, she is too busy to make it to Japan in the next 6 months. Will ask one of her assistants to look into it, since she is Japanese. Though she hasn’t been back in Japan for last five years. I still offered to buy Hulu tickets, but she said Hulu is like Netflix, not Odeon.

Which means My Neighbour’s Yacht isn’t even going to be shown at a f*cking cinema.

Mr. Wallaker sleepily asked me to come back to bed. He says I disrupt his circadian rhythms with my late-night anxieties.

2: 30 a.m. Googled circadian rhythms. Circadian rhythms might be responsible for his middle-aged, Daniel Craig gorgeousness. I have to ask him (during the day, of course) to help me find my beauty sleep. Otherwise, it will be Daniel Craig marrying a weathered turnip in a white dress on our wedding day. If we ever get married, that is…

4 a.m. My Life Is Perfect. Then, Why Can’t I Sleep?

To be continued…

(Fan fiction inspired by Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones series)

To read part 1, click here.

Photo courtesy:


Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

14 thoughts on “Bridget Jones: Blogging Queen Part 2

    1. Thank you, Tamara! I am so glad you enjoyed it! I recently read the third book. It was easier writing the first post than the second one for two reasons: a) I read the first two books 8 or 9 years ago, and don’t remember much and b) I’m not altogether sure of the pop references! For example, I’d written Hulu in Canada, only to google and find there’s been a big deal about NOT having Hulu in Canada. Which means I had to get rid of my contextual Canada joke…

      1. And it would have been more plausible to go from California to Canada, than Japan, wouldn’t it? Except, I couldn’t think of a more ‘uncool’ streaming service that would be available in Canada. In the book, it is mentioned it is going to come out on DVD, but I thought of making its circumstances worse…

        Promise will try and come up with good Canada joke in future. Though it sounds too pleasant to think of any. Will NOT attempt another Bieber joke. Don’t even know much about Bieber to make Bieber joke…

  1. I absolutely hate to admit I’ve never read the book, only seen the movie, though I did enjoy it. Bridget is just so human! I have heard that it was written diary-style and it would be fun to do that. From what I remember of the movie, I think you’ve captured the essence of Bridget pretty well. Very nice 🙂

    1. Thank you! I read the first two books 8 or 9 years ago, so don’t remember much. Except they were very, very funny. The films are good, very well cast for one thing, but the diaries, especially the first one, are tummy-achingly hilarious. I read the third one last weekend, and though it is not as funny as the others, it did inspire me to write some fan fiction! I posted the third part just now!

      And I agree, Bridget is so human! I see more of myself in her the more I get older…

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