Monday 2 May 2016
10 a.m. Agent Katzenberg ( screenwriting agent, not F.B.I. agent) has said to write blog. Says it will raise my “profile”, and make production companies take me more seriously. More seriously. Am already serious screenwriter. Even if début script (loosely based and highly edited from my initial adaptation of Hedda Gabbler, bollocks, Gabler) is yet to hit ‘straight-to-DVD’.
10:30 a.m. Asked soon-to-be 10 year old son, Billy, where to start blog. Billy said Tumbler. Googled tumbler, to get pictures of tumblers and heavy discounts on tumblers on Amazon.
11:00 a.m. Texted Jude, who rec’d ‘WordPress’. On it now. Seems easy enough.
12:45 p.m. Bugger. Can’t find unique user name or blog name. Bridget Jones taken, though blank website. Bridget Darcy also taken. Mrs. Darcy also taken, and highly active. Run by someone called Janeite Forever, with pictures of Colin Firth (whom I’ve interviewed and smelled hand of) circa 1995 and Matthew Macfadyen, also v.g. in Pride and Prejudice film as Fitzwilliam Darcy. Though no wet shirt.
Bridget Wallaker dot com is available, but cannot take name of current beau without asking/being-asked-to-marry current beau…
6 p.m. Went on school run, which is actual run now that I live close to schools. Billy said, (as per usual), “Mom! I can come home on my own!” while darling Mabel still calls me Mummy and walks home with me, biting my hand if I don’t buy her an ice-cream.
6:30 p.m. Right. Back to being serious screenwriter and writing serious blog.
7 p.m. All FREAKIN’ blog names taken!
8 p.m. Going on twitter. Am social media queen (Followers lost in last four months: 2056. Followers gained in last four months: 2016). Can crack twitter, can crack WordPress. As Billy would say, “Easy Peasy”.
11 p.m. Have blog name and user name! User name same as twitter name @JoneseyBJ and blog name, Bridget Wallaker dot com. Hope Mr. Wallaker a.k.a. serious partner of three years and Daniel Craig doppelgänger won’t mind us being married online for sake of screenwriting career. Better not tell him though.
Monday 9 May 2016
145 lbs (courtesy: caffeinated coffee to stay awake to blog to have screenwriting career), Calories: 500,000. Pages written of adapted screenplay of Austen’s Persuasion 0, No. of days Mr. Wallaker has not spoken to me 3.
5 a.m. Am hooked, as Billy would say, on blog called Parents With Cancer. Except, neither self, nor self’s surviving parent i.e. mum, has cancer. WordPress is mine of stories to be made into independent, BAFTA and Oscar winning films.
10 a.m. Kissed children goodbye. Did not kiss Mr. Wallaker, cuz he’s still angry with me for using his name. He said, “It’s not that you used it, Bridget. It’s that you did it without asking my permission.” Besties Tom, Jude and Talitha said he’s overreacting. Chloe the nanny suggested he might think it is a cheap way to ask him to pop the question. I think it might be because he made us watch Henry Miller’s The Crucible twice at the West End, and is fixated on his name like play’s lead John Proctor.
10:30 a.m. tweeted @JoneseyBJ I have given you my soul; leave me my name! – Henry Miller, The Crucible
Ex-toy boy @Roxster replied!
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ That is a very serious quote, Jonesey.
@JoneseyBJ @Roxster I am a very serious writer. Like Henry Miller.
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ You mean Arthur Miller.
@JoneseyBJ @Roxster I mean Henry Miller, author of modern classic The Crucible.
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ You mean Arthur Miller, author of modern classic The Crucible.
Before I could reply in indignation,
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ And Henry Miller, author of modern classic Tropic of Cancer.
Googled this Arthur Miller. Googled Henry Miller.
@JoneseyBJ @Roxster *Facepalm* Haven’t slept all night. Brain foggy. Working on script.
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ Adaptation of Miller’s The Crucible?
@JoneseyBJ @Roxster Austen’s Persuasion. Actually, writing blog so that Persuasion or ‘Pierce My Soul’ as script is called, gets produced.
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ What is your blog called? Link!
Link? Don’t know how to send link of basic (as modern, Americanized son Billy would say) blog, except blog is really basic with 14 posts in 7 days, and only 12 followers, 20 likes and 15 views.
How can likes be more than views?
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ Link Jonesey. Haven’t got all day.
@JoneseyBJ @Roxster Can’t send link. It’s called Bridget Wallaker dot com.
No reply. Perhaps he’s googling it right now. Which means it will show up on my stats!
@Roxster @JoneseyBJ *Can’t believe my eyes* You’re getting MARRIED?!?!
9 p.m. Spent all day replying to phone calls, WhatsApp, texts, twitter etc. telling everyone I am NOT getting married. And no, Mr. Wallaker hasn’t proposed ergo, haven’t refused him.
Tuesday 10 May 2016
2 a.m. Crying on bathroom sink for past hour after HUGE row with Mr. Wallaker. Everyone has been bothering him too about the proposal. At least, he’s talking to me again. Though, he probably will NEVER propose to me.
3:30 a.m. Do I want him to propose to me?
3: 31 a.m. No. We’re a perfect modern couple, with children from other marriages we equally love. Plus, we’re in our fifties. It’s just not the thing.
3:35 a.m. Though older people get married all the time. And, there was a lovely couple called Emma and Jonathan on Parents With Cancer blog who got married after they found out they had cancer. Surely cancer beats being old.
5 a.m. Can’t sleep, can’t stay awake. Blog pointless. Career pointless. Only point children. And friends. And mum. And Mr. Wallaker, if he doesn’t break up with me in the morning…
To be continued…
To read part 2, click here.
(Fan Fiction inspired by Helen Fielding’s Bridget Jones series)