Posted in Of Funnies

News: Blogger Named Worst Poet of All Time

poetry-slam-promo

 

Our mutual friend, Bitter Blogger, has joined the esteemed rank of William McGonagall, Adrian Mole and Kristen Stewart. The internet has dubbed her, The Worst Poet of All Time.

The last we heard from Bitter Blogger, she was writing a book. Going on a hiatus from writing prose to writing poetry instead, Bitter Blogger or BB Queen, her nom de plume, has made a fool of herself on a national, as well as internet viral level, by reading a self-composed poem at the inauguration of Poetry Month in New Delhi, the capital city of India. Dressed in a black linen tunic, with black palazzo trousers and an indigenous embroidered scarf in red, BB Queen looked the part as she stepped onto the podium to read the following poem:

Of Writing Prose

One must be Morose
Whilst writing Prose
Else readers will doze
Without passions to arose.

Anyone can Busta Rhyme
As long as their Rhythm’s fine
It’s only a Signature of Time
While good prose is Syncopation Sublime.

Hence, I apologise
For my jazzy prose-y freestyle
They might even be worth the while
Testing endurance, but bringing a smile.

BB Queen had been surprised but pleased on receiving the invitation to be the opening act of the festival. She wrote in her blog:

“B*tches, I’m famous! You ain’t gonna hear much from this artiste extraordinaire again. She’s going Nobel!”

She had expected the public reception to her reading. In an interview with respected poetry and feminist journal The Poetess, she said,

“I think it is a good idea to start with something positive and uplifting. Poetry tends to be dire, depressing stuff for most people, but I want to be someone who helps get their spirits up. After all, the devil doesn’t just have the best tunes, but also the best jokes. My ambition as a poet is not only to make them think and feel, but to enchant them with the most attractive quality known to man: making people laugh.”

Laugh they did, but unfortunately at her. It continuously swelled in volume, to drown her final lines completely. Speculations have arisen on the internet with what these final lines maybe, with lip readers and sound engineers doing their best to decipher them. The poet has granted permission to this newspaper to publish her poem, because she believes it is meritorious enough to stand on its own. She says, “These people won’t know a good poem if it hit them in the eye! They’ve always laughed. They laughed at Keats, but look what they had to say after he was gone. I was the opening act after all. If they are so good at judging poetry, why weren’t they on the stage?”

An organiser at the festival, who did not wish to be named, said, “We knew what we were getting into. We had been secret, ironic fans of BB Queen’s poetry for sometime. It’s top stuff, easily better than McGonagall or James Franco. But, we didn’t want her to know. Our website is by invitation only, and many of our members who are poetry award winners, wanted her to open the festival. This was our way of putting this sheer poetic genius on the map, but it’s not like she’s going to thank us!”

When asked about her future plans, BB Queen remains ever the optimist. “Of course, I will publish my work! I’ve already received emails from Penguin and Hachette. They know talent when they see it. They wouldn’t email just anybody, especially when millions are dying for them to reply to their emails.”

The publicity certainly doesn’t seem to affect her negatively. Her social media has received millions of views and followers, and her fan website has gone public. A professor of poetry at a top ranking university had this to say on the subject, “The world has always needed its bad poets. Especially during this time, when so much of our entertainment is purposefully made in bad taste. It is lamentable that a good poem would not get viral videos and publishing contracts as easily as a bad one.”

In my time of getting to know Bitter Blogger, however, I feel compelled to give her the benefit of the doubt. After all, she did write in her poem titled Bad Poetry,

Bear through the sawdust for that clichéd gold to shine
She promises she will get there, when it is her time.

– From our surprisingly ambivalent correspondent

 

Image source: https://wordsandtoons.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/poetry-slam-promo.jpg

Author:

Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

35 thoughts on “News: Blogger Named Worst Poet of All Time

      1. Just my attempt to combine both the events! I think some people did actually believe it to be true. If it were so, I would be writing a book for Penguin or Hachette right now!

      2. It is very complicated to do it on your own. I worked on it last year from June to October, until I kept my manuscript away, and haven’t looked at it all these months. Will just have to make the effort to let it out in the open and then see what happens!

      3. You mean the whole process of reading, editing and all of that? Or, even getting the space in Amazon Kindle?

      4. Anyone can upload on Kindle. There are rules and regulations of course, but that’s relatively easy. The hardest part is the formatting. And of course, editing is always frustrating.

      5. I maybe need to consult you on that. Sorry for this long thread that was not really related to your post XD But Thank You for your nice info

      6. Oh, no problem! If anything, talking about it might actually motivate me! Once I have it uploaded, I will definitely write about the process here!

      1. I did not participate in April Fools Day but I did listen to one of my favorite pranks ever, recorded between a few members of the band Fairport Convention many years ago. A classic!

      2. It seems there wasn’t much pranking this year, in any part of the world really. Too many things going on. But, I’ve been looking for a good laugh everywhere. Been going back to favourites like Father Ted and Bernard Black (seriously, I am quoting him on an excessively creepy level!). Reading Father Ted memes now. Hilarious!

      3. Haha..yes I saw your Father Ted one. We binge watched Bob’s Burgers this weekend on Netflix which is very funny. Nothing wrong with Bernard Black quotes in my book, EVER!

      4. But, it is creepy how I have a Dylan Moran quote for everything. I’ve even decided to minimize how much I mention them in my blog here, because they are obviously the most interesting part of the post! I’ve never seen Bob’s Burgers actually, though I’ve heard a lot about it. It’s been mainly whodunnits for me in the last few months. I’ve been trying to substitute that with reading, because it’s not a good idea to be fascinated by innovative ways of getting killed! I’ll look for Bob’s Burgers!

      5. We mix up our viewing, but with somethings going on in our world right now, it was nice having a weekend of something not so cerebral! Bob’s Burgers has some elements of gross out humor, and it gets crazy funny at times, but at its heart, they are a sweet family that care about one another, and that is why I love the show. The character of Tina will make you laugh I bet 🙂

      6. Will have to watch it! I haven’t seen much American comedy in a while. Only New Girl, which people here don’t really watch all that much. And I’ve long given up on The Big Bang Theory. My favourite used to be Whose Line is it Anyway? That had some excellent comics!

      7. Used to love Whose Line Is It Anyway! If I had my choice, I’d probably watch a lot of documentaries over movies and sitcoms any day of the week, but we find the right balance somehow!

      8. My wife would watch comedies pretty much non-stop. I like them too, especially shows like The Office, Parks and Recreation, but I love learning about things, be they travel shows or science, so I would watch those all the time if I could.

      9. In documentaries, I’ll watch anything music-related, obviously. I also watch food and neurology stuff. I like to watch ones on art and history, because I don’t know much about either. They’re just the best way to learn something.

        For American comedy, I must mention SNL though. I especially love the women on it, my favourite being Kristen Wiig. Have you seen Maya Rudolph singing the American national anthem before a baseball match? It’s hilarious!

      10. I’ll have to see if I have seen that Maya Rudolph clip. SNL is hit or miss for me. I haven’t watched a new one in years but I have many fond memories of classic clips going back for years and years. For documentaries I love anything from the PBS show Nova, and also any Ken Burns history documentary. His programs are not just tv, they are art.

      11. Will have to look for Ken Burns! I don’t watch SNL on TV. Their youtube channel is great for watching specific sketches of the comedians themselves. Anything with Kristen Wiig is brilliant, and Maya Rudolph is especially good with the music impressions. And a very good singer in her own right. Here’s the video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUT80JVy3v4

      12. Ah! I remember that clip now. Too funny!! I think Maya Rudolph has done some legitimate cabaret style stuff around town here. Ken Burns has been making wonderful programs about specific topics for over 30 years now. They are all good in their own right, and each one touches on the ‘American experience’ in one form or the other. His most popular one will always be the Civil War series, but he has done wonderful ones about Baseball, the National Parks, the West and many, many more. Definitely something worthwhile. He scours the archives finding old photographs, and films them in a special way-zooming in or out and it gives the impression of an actual film movie at times, along with people reading letters and newspaper articles from the time. Just wonderful stuff.

  1. Personally…I feel like you hit your mark. Whenever I read something I’m not used to reading I have a first thought.

    Creative. Subjective. Opinionated.

    Well done!

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