Posted in Of Culturel

Of Living Without The Internet


It is festive season in India, and I am obligated to shop, shop, shop till death. That would imply I hate shopping, but conforming to assumptions about my sex, I actually LOVE shopping. But, I am broke before I even begin shopping for my stuff. Recently, I have had to spend so much on non-festive things, I can’t even allow myself to buy modest treats like, again predictably for my gender, chocolates. Which implies I’ll actually be able to fit into my new clothes this year, provided I am able to buy them in the first place.

To slightly modify Tina Turner, “What’s The Internet got to do with it?” Well, Tina, as this is the second paragraph, don’t worry. I’ll get to it. I like people who get straight to the point in every area of life, but I can’t ever take the effort of doing so myself. It’s a bit like a pack of cigarettes – it tells the world “Smoking is injurious to health,” but it never actually looks inside to see who started the problem. Thankfully, I see right through it and am a non-smoker. Or maybe a passive smoker, because I seem to be a passive everything in life. Passive smoker, passive drinker, passive writer, passive feeler, passive liver – the life one, not the one which lives healthily inside me because of my passive drinking. I am only, actively, addicted to the internet.

That, was the point. Told you I’ll get there before the paragraph finishes! Human progress is built on one principle, that human progressives around the world like to complicate in too many words. Moderation. Passion is bull**** really. It’s all a lie to get you out of bed in the morning to go and do a job you hate, so that you can come back home and try to play guitar very, very badly, or form a romantic relationship very, very badly, or exercise on a treadmill very, very badly, because those are your passions. Humanity did not progress on passions! It progressed on doing everything, but only to a certain point. Play your guitar badly, but only for half an hour, because it is indecent to presume you might get good at it through practice. Do your job well, but not too well, because you’ll burn out too quickly, only to quit and bury your head in sand because it is a fancy yogic position. No, moderation is key to survival, and consequent progress of our species.

But, we have faltered. We have allowed ourselves into the conspiracy of being addicted to something we thought we were in control of – The Internet. Look at me, fighting my withdrawal symptoms by drafting a post for my blog. Today, would have been the day. Today, was the day I decided to do my shopping online, in one evening, before it’s too late, when I may never have the courage to shop again. Today, when I woke up, I said to myself, “I will sit through thousands and thousands of tiny pictures of women who are a mile taller than me, and thinner than my bones, and I will imagine myself wearing what they are wearing, and looking as good as them.”

And I couldn’t do it! And I couldn’t do my other top-priority concerns of working on different projects, entertainment, education, socializing, and for all you wronged people out there – posting my post titled “Of Blogging and Mystery”. How can any of us have any faith in this world when the one thing that is more available than food and money isn’t there? It is almost midnight, and I am still not over the shame, the horror and the waste of an evening in which I could have been doing so many things – writing, playing my keyboard very, very badly, reading, watching DVDs, talking to people without devices (nah, that wouldn’t have happened), exercising, making a nice meal for myself, tidying the house, contemplating my place in the universe. Or even substituting one problem with another by going out and buying chocolates.

Instead, I clicked ‘reload’. I clicked again. And again. Tried turning the router “off and on again.” Paced about frantically. Lay down in misery. Called The Internet Connection People. They never picked up. Wanted to email but realised the irony soon enough. Lay down again. Got up. Listened to Blondie. Discovered I had the original 8-minute long “Call Me” version I didn’t even know. Had a few unrelated rants here and there, much to the agony of the people at the other end of them. It’s been 8 hours and I don’t know what to do.

Tomorrow I shall go and be among real, tangible clothes, in a real, tangible shop, where I will hand over real, tangible notes to pay for them. Then, I will have real, tangible pizza, at a real, tangible restaurant. And ask them if they have Wi-Fi.


Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

16 thoughts on “Of Living Without The Internet

  1. First I love the IT Crowd reference. We seem to have similar senses of humor! This post came at an ironic time for me. This week for no real reason I just wanted to shut the internet off. I don’t really know why but I tried. But I had a blog I really wanted to get done and then I run a Facebook tribute page for a group I wrote about. So after I tied up those loose ends I shut Facebook off for a full day and have severely limited my time on it since. I have a long weekend and I wanted to remind myself that I can live without that time waster. I don’t consider reading blogs to be a time waster though so I decided this weekend to focus on the good internet (like reading your blogs) rather than the ‘noise.’ Did you try turning it off and on again? 😄

    1. Ha ha, yes I did try turning it off and on again! Didn’t work though, and I had to wait till the next day to feel “connected” again. I once deliberately stayed offline for a week. Got a surprising amount of reading done, felt a lot more relaxed, and surprisingly the headache I didn’t even know I had went away. Now, I find it more difficult, as I am a lot more dependent on it. Not social media per se, mainly work and interests-related stuff. I’ve made efforts to decrease the actual time I spend on it, by concentrating on a few tasks one after another, and turning it off completely so that I don’t waste time. I feel slightly in control now, though the day that inspired this post was a low point! But, hey, at least I got some writing done!
      Thank you for so kindly letting my blog into your “good internet” time. I am glad this kind of rambling endures for some in this short-attention span medium! And yes, I do adore The IT Crowd! Have you seen Father Ted by the same creators?

      1. Reading is probably the best activity in which I can happily shut myself off from everything else. Glad you feel more in control. It just got to be too much for me last week and I just said to myself, shut it all down or reduce the time you spend on it at least, which has helped.

        And your little ramblings are excellent, and always welcome in my world. But I do have one complaint. How could you possibly think I haven’t seen Father Ted?!! Hello…Irish guy here!! Lol. I adore Father Ted too 😄 (My Lovely Horse being hummed now!)

      2. Really? I thought you were American. Foolish of me to have assumed you didn’t, then! Father Ted, Black Books and The IT Crowd are the only Graham Linehan and Arthur Matthews shows I’ve seen, and I’d love to see more.

      3. Well fair play to you. I’m Irish American. My mom was born and raised there. But all the shows you mentioned are firm favorites for us for sure. Ah go on go on go on as Mrs Doyle might say!

      4. Ha ha, I would never complain if Mrs. Doyle served me tea at any time of the day! I haven’t seen as much British and Irish comedy as I’d like to, but I absolutely love them. The Mighty Boosh is my favourite. I also like Miranda, The Thick of It, and most recently I watched an oldie called “Just Good Friends” which I loved, more for the romance, than the humour.

      5. There are a lot of people who don’t, and I can never understand why! It is just the sort of thing I like, apart from relatively regular stuff like Black Books. The music is brilliant though.
        If you’re a Doctor Who fan, you will love Peter Capaldi on The Thick of It, which has the most Shakespearean swearing ever, that puts Scarface, and any number of Tarantino films to shame.

  2. That last paragraph had me laughing 😀 I went the WHOLE day yesterday doing zero social media anything. Went to get my kids’ bikes from my parents’ house and took my son out for a bike ride. We also have this thing every now and then called “Free Give Away Weekend” where people put whatever they don’t won’t on the curb for people to just take, so I did some walking around the neighborhood looking at what people had left out lol It was great and relaxing. I think taking some time away from the internet is always a healthy thing to do. Good for the brain and the soul.

    1. Couldn’t agree more! If I could afford to do it, I certainly would, as I am quite “slow” and reclusive. But, sadly, work and play, everything seems to be more accessible on it now. I don’t have children, but until earlier this year, I used to hang out with my cousin a lot, helping her with school stuff. She was not allowed to use the internet, or even a phone, and so it was lovely to try to figure things out now and again without googling it. I do miss having someone young around to simultaneously discover the world with. It is so much better than just buying them a computer and letting them find out for themselves.

      1. Completely agree, though Google definitely comes in handy at times especially when my son asks me questions like: “Why are our veins blue when our blood is red?” He was five when he asked me that! lol

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