Posted in Of Psyche

Of The Love You Take and Make


And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. – “The End”, The Beatles

I’ve been mildly considering going to a shrink lately. But, due to bad experiences before, I am in great doubt. I would love to tell a therapist I have issues with trusting people, except that includes therapists. The whole act of seeking therapy seems like an arranged marriage to me. I have no idea who the person is on the other end, but I am to implicitly trust them with my deepest secrets, sources of shame and pain, hopes, dreams, misgivings et cetera. In short, my world. I even have to pay them to listen to me, this time hoping they provide me with more substantial answers than telling me to change my handwriting.

As Tina Turner would say if she read the last paragraph, “What’s love got to do with it?” Well, I believe that is the primary source of the problem. The above quote was the last thing The Beatles sang that was recorded while all four members were alive.* A couple of years before, they recorded “All You Need is Love”. That had been my undisputed mantra for life even before I became aware of the song. This quote, however, has always bothered me. I’ve progressed from the second half of the quote, i.e. creating love without thinking much about receiving it, to “Uh, how much is a fair exchange?”

Of course, all that is just maturity and a natural response to life experiences etc., etc.. But, I have to say, putting a foot forward blindly and just doing the loving part that comes so naturally when you are young, is infinitely a healthier state to be in. It might cause much misery, but still. I know it now, after being careful for quite some time. I know this will seem like bragging, and I have to pretend not to care when I know you will interpret this as bragging but, here goes: I am rather good at the creating love part. In fact, I am bloody brilliant. Par excellence.

It’s just the taking love bit that confuses me. I don’t know how to do it right. Like many, I’ve often received the short end of the stick, especially when I needed it for a special occasion. However, pop psychology now tells me, there are people who don’t know how to take love. Could I, a creature who is so well at creating it, be unable to take it when it does come my way? Why and what would make me such an idiot?

And here I was telling you about having trust issues with a therapist. I am trusting the internet with my problems.

As much as I love and admire The Beatles beyond most things I have ever known, I disagree with them, at least for now. You know, for the time I’m alive. Only in the end will I know whether,

Love I Took = Love I Made

For now, I am confident, the equation is much, much skewed towards the right. And, I don’t have the slightest doubt in the world, that that is right.

Do you feel the love you make is equal to the love you take?

*This is off the Abbey Road album that was recorded last by the still alive four-piece, even if Let It Be was released later. Post the death of John Lennon, the other three members, including George Harrison before his passing, recorded using samples of John Lennon’s unfinished songs for the Anthology album, such as the single, “Free as a Bird”.


Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

6 thoughts on “Of The Love You Take and Make

  1. you have a very interesting blog and i like it! i like it when i read posts that can make me think and wonder. It excites my mind.

    For me, the idea of equal love does not necessarily happen in real life. Most of the time, if not always, there is a party who has a greater love than the other. It is never equal. And the thought of “the love you make is the love you take,” I also think that in reality, it may happen (for some?) but not everyone.

    1. Thank you very much for your kind words, Berryduchess! I am very happy that I am able to make you think with my posts. That is my exact intention with my blog.
      I completely agree, love is never equal even if it is reciprocated love between two people. I think it is wiser and more practical to admit you’re different with different people and you feel differently for them, so that you don’t try to fit them into specific roles, and instead, see them as individuals.

  2. Great thinking piece! I think it ebbs and flows throughout life. I have certainly experienced times when I’ve given much more than I’ve been offered and then taken. But that was within toxic relationships. Now I have healthy relationships I think it’s pretty equal. Maybe not at all times, but I think it balances out in the end. I do like to think that you get out of life what you put in, and that includes love and kindness! 🙂

    1. Thank you for sharing, Laura! You are more emotionally mature than most people. It is sad that people go through all the motions of what is expected of them in life – jobs, relationships, marriage, family – without ever pausing to think how much of it is actually good for them. It is very important not to feel compelled by these things, and at the same time not feel resentful or afraid when they don’t work out. I am very happy that you have managed to be neither and moved on from those toxic relationships and built healthy ones. It shows remarkable strength!

      1. Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say so! It definitely takes a little life experience to work it all out. I’m about to hit 30 this year and I must say I wouldn’t go back to being younger, I feel much more content at this age and with the people I’m surrounded by than I ever have been before. But I’ve only got there though mistakes that have been made along the way! You’re right, it is so easy to rush through life without taking heed, people do often just go through the motions like you say, and it’s a shame. Here’s to making the most of the time we have! 🙂

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